Big lie number 2 – Being a parent is instinctual, natural and amazing. No, it’s not. It’s hard. It is exhausting and you lose yourself, the amazing person that felt happy and sexy enough to get pregnant in the first place. Even breastfeeding is hard, and not this warm, mother earth experience that just flows through you. It’s work, it takes training, it hurts. And sometimes, you don’t like your kids at all. There are stages they go through where you fear that you never will like them again. Sometimes you hate yourself for not liking them or being able to tolerate one more whining sound. It’s hard and horrible because at the same time you love them so very much you would give your life to protect them. You want so much for them and it’s hard to experience any moment with them without thinking how it will affect them in the long run or if they will be a good person or if they will be a tool you don’t want taking care of you when you are too old to make your own choices. You worry about their health and education and friends and that new weird thing they are doing. And you love them so much that it hurts. You can’t wait to be back with them when you are apart and 45 minutes later you are aggravated with them again.
I had a difficult time as a kid and I never wanted kids. I was afraid I would not be able to love, since I was not shown much coming up. I suffered abuses I never wanted anyone else to suffer. Yet I had two children, I raised them alone, and I have loved them more than I have ever loved anyone. In fact, they taught me what love is. They taught me how to fight, how to stand up, how to suffer sleepless nights and to put food on the table when I thought I could do no more. They taught me to be humble and to keep going. They taught me more than my parents ever did. They taught me that family does not have to be a bad word and it does not have to hurt and that a family can be silly, and laugh and be vulnerable and hug. So the lie is that it’s natural, at least for me. Intimacy on any level was not easy. There is no greater intimacy than that of a mother with her child, and even when they no longer physically need you, there is still an emotional and spiritual connection that tugs and pulls no matter what they go through, it is also your experience. The psychic umbilicus is still and always present.
Read more in Big Lies Part 3